Empathy - What makes it so difficult?

Empathy - To put ourselves in someone else's shoes and see things from their perspectives.

While this is the most common explanation for empathy, i think we miss out on an important point here. We forget to remove our shoes before getting in to someone else's shoes. Hence, the struggle to see things from someone else'e point when we are so rigid with our point of views and perspectives.

Human beings never fail to amaze me. And one of my curiosities has always been around, what makes people be indifferent to others pain and trauma?

Whether it is a celebrity couple who are getting divorced or a woman journalist who has voiced out her perspectives, whether it is a trans woman who has been acid attacked or a gay couple who have disclosed their love in social media, whether it is a rape victim who has decided to have the courage to voice out or a man who has been in an abusing relationship talking about his trauma, whether it is a successful person talking about the mental health issues they are going through or a new mom sharing her depression journey...while I see a lot of people voicing their support in such cases, i also see an equal or more number of people character shaming these people without knowing anything about them personally.

Hence, the question i am left with is...do we need to go through a certain problem to understand the pain of the people going through that problem? Is it not possible for us to empathize with people irrespective of whether we have gone through that pain or not?

I believe this is possible. I don't need to be a gay to understand the issues  that LGBTIQ community is going through. I don't need to be a parent to understand the issues of parents of the people in this community. While with awareness i make an informed choice to support the community instead of parents, it is never about discounting parents pain.

Hence, not supporting a certain group may be an informed choice for us. But, that need not take us to a non-compassionate space.

After few of my gay friends left my home after a short visit, my mother asked me "What makes you support them? Is it out of pity or because of your psychological learning about them?"

I found this question very interesting. This inquiry within me has helped me learn that we can empathize only if we have the compassion. Compassion is defined as sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

I did start this journey as an ally from the space of compassion. But over the time it moved to a space of empathy. Hence, i have reached the conclusion that in the absence of compassion, empathy will be missing. And we can develop our empathy towards people only if we are curious and open to learn about their suffering.

And that answered the question i have asked in the title of this article. If we are so caught up in the world we are in and believe only that to be the real world with real problems, we may not have the ability to be compassionate towards the worlds of others with their real problem. And hence, we may never be able to wear their shoes because, we refuse to remove our shoes believing that our shoes are the only shoes which helps us see the reality as it is.

And that is the illusion we are caught up with. And the truth is there is no universal truth/reality. Its just your truth vs my truth. Hence, your truth is as valid as mine. So, can we be more compassionate towards both the truths?

May be, that will create a world of more empaths.